Gizmode: Alternative narrative

Humour, Travel

If you have read my last post Gizmode, the bot in my pot, I hope you will appreciate this alternative narrative of the same.

If you have not read my last post Gizmode, the bot in my pot, I hope you will appreciate this post as is :)

Someday, given enough time, motivation & computing power I may make a video of the same too. Or maybe, even an audio podcast… but then the idea of suitable ambient sounds would gross you out, right? :-p

In the meanwhile, here goes…

Gizmode, the bot in my pot :: Toilet humour series

Humour, Travel

This post (also originally titled: An Ode To A Commode) is in continuation of two different threads of posts previously seen on Swadeshe:

  1. A vegetarian goes to Burger King, Korea
  2. Toilet humour series: World’s worst toilet

The intended continuity with the first link is Korea. (Any GIGO inferences are your own and not mine!) The intended continuity with the second link, has, of course, to do with the ‘substance’ of the post.

Ok, let me cut the crap (figuratively only) and get on with the post…

One could safely assume you have come across psycho-analytical articles on the power of the ‘remote control’. Remember the references to Shiv Sena supremo, Bal Thackeray, while Manohar Joshi was the Chief Minister of Maharashtra. Or in contemporary politics, the equation between Sonia (yet so far) ji and Manmohan ji. Or closer home, ‘who wears the pants at home’, being replaced by ‘who holds the remote at home’. Actual power vs. perceived power.

The essence captured in one word — CONTROL. Let’s admit, all remotes, consoles, dashboards are all about CONTROL.

Think Star Trek. Think Shakaal (in Ramesh Sippy’s Shaan). Think James Bond. Think Austin Powers in The Spy Who Shagged Me.

(Of course this is true only on one side of the great technology divide. On the other side of the great technology divide, jiski laathi usi ki bhains, still remains the power-defining adage!)

And now, presenting Gizmode, the ultimate seat of power and ‘control’.

Gizmode, the bot in my pot

Ironically this at a place where the main job is to let loose, and not to control! Control is what you do till the time you get there!

Gizmode, the bot in my pot Don’t waste your time looking for the mug, paper roll, hand shower, jet faucet or any other ‘means’ you’ve ever used at your ‘ends’!

The control is right beside you.

Gizmode, the bot in my pot Let’s start with the button that seems to be the most ‘not-wanted’ in the land of prolific production. It’s called ‘ECONO’. Let me ask you this, would you ever — EVER — want to try ‘econo’ and be at the receiving end of a feeble trickle or a faint shower? ‘Supply’ shouldn’t fall short of ‘demand’, you see!

The next set of buttons gives you an idea of the kind of control you get to wield here. It’s called ‘TEMP(erature) CONTROL’. Nice, you say. Immediately thinking of the water temperature options one has in Delhi. Icy cold in winters and scalding hot in summers!

Wait, there’s more. You also get to adjust seat temperature here! Again you think, that the closest you’ve come to temperature control on toilet seats is when the seat is left warm by the person using the toilet before you!

Gizmode, the bot in my pot Next. You can control the WATER PRESSURE! Ah! Now the delight starts. (Especially in contrast to the water canon that masquerades as a hand shower in my office toilet!) That’s not all. You can also control the DRYER TEMPERATURE! Oh! Does it mean there is a ‘dryer’ also there? Yessir, you got it!

Gizmode, the bot in my pot If you’re the kind who gets overwhelmed with choices. Play safe, go with ‘AUTO’. Which is touted as the option FOR CHILD(ren).

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Gizmode, the bot in my pot Next up — NOZZLE POSITION. What’s the big deal with nozzle position, you ask? Everything, the sensitive ones would answer! :-)
[Read this interesting account of a similar Gizmode in Japan, by Xiaxue, arguably Singpaore’s biggest blogger celebrity]

Gizmode, the bot in my pot If you are already saying ‘bring ’em on, baby’ — the next set of buttons are MASSAGER and DRYER! :-D
I tell you, I don’t know of a real-life equivalent to this! The closest I could think of is a combination of the predominant Indian ‘technique’ and some amount of hedonistic perversion! Incidentally, this is first set of buttons with Korean sub-titles. Some cultural insights to be made here, eh?

Gizmode, the bot in my potThe button that comes next reminded me that all through my years of architectural studies at the School of Planning and Architecture, I never really got on top of a bidet — both literally and figuratively!

[If you are interested: Reference reading material here]

Gizmode, the bot in my potThe next button in a way is all you ever wanted to do here — WASH! Of course, if you had forgotten what you had wanted to do, the accompanying graphic reminds you suitably!

 

Gizmode, the bot in my pot

And not surprisingly the most prominent button that’s right at the beginning of the ‘control’ — especially if you’ve fumbled or got yourself into a mess with any of the preceding options — is STOP!

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So what else would I want from this robot in my pot?

Considering that I did not eat well — (read this) — if only it could do something about my constipation!

Some funny signboards

Humour, Travel

Some funny signboards collected over time.

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Shop in Seoul, Korea:
Obviously this has a cultural context. I don’t know about other places, but in India, the little finger is sometimes used as an action-euphemism for answering nature’s call! Yeah, this was not a men’s room — just an auto-accessory shop!

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Shop very close to Jaipur on Delhi-Jaipur highway NH-8:
This signboard is dirty. Oh! Not for the pun in the syllabic-abbreviation S EK C — but the actual dirt on it!

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On the way from Shenzhen to Hong Kong:
Ahem! What in the world do they mean by Character City? So, by implication, others are characterless cities, eh?

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Shop in Coex Shopping Mall, Seoul, South Korea:
Even though this is an English word too — I read it as a Hindi word! Predictably, this shop had nothing to with India or Indians!

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On the way from Shenzhen to Hong Kong:
Ok, I shall refrain from spelling that out as this blog has a family audience too! (I mean members of my family read it :-p)

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Related:
Whether this disappointed you big time or interested you even a wee bit — you must check out eye5.blogspot.com for an awesome collection of Indian signboards by Nikhil Kulkarni.

Awesome leg…pieces

Humour, Travel

Delicious!

Ooh! What a dish!

Yummy!

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In most situations we would assume we know what these exclamations were for. Right?

But if you were to see the following images, you might start thinking a little differently! Pay attention to the labels.

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I swear, there’s no PhotoShop kind of manipulation work involved in these above images! (Incidentally, I don’t even use PhotoShop anymore. Instead I use GIMP. You should try it too. It’s a cost-free, guilt-free and obligation-free open source software that does most of what you do with PhotoShop.)

Coming back to the subject…

So is this Korea ki goriya taking her afternoon meal for a walk, eh?

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:-p

Hold on, don’t throw up! The food labels (Original Home Dog & Home Chilli Dog) were merely the result of crude translation of Hot Dog into Korean and then their cruder translation back to English!

:-)

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Legnote, oops, Footnote:
It is not that all Koreans eat dogs, all the time.
It is not even that some Koreans eat dogs all the time.
Not even that all Koreans eat dogs some time.
Just some Koreans eat dogs some time.
And most of the people we met had not eaten and would not eat dog meat.
Apparently this has a direct correlation with the economic prosperity of the land — with other costlier sources of protein being available to people.

A vegetarian goes to Burger King, Korea

Humour, Travel

Based on a real storie story. (Blame that typo on Aap Ka Kaa Suroor Surroor! And this one too!)

It’s all about loving your vegetables. (Blame that on Karan Johar!)

To all the vegetarians out there…

In a land where people are said to eat dogs, never walk into a fast-food joint and ask for a ‘hot dog’ — they might take it literally! (Ok, that was joke to kick start the post!) And offer you Tommy HighFiber! (Joke again)

To play it safe, walk into an American fast-food place. (Thought being: You have eaten at American fast-food places in India, so this would be a ‘little’ different at best!)

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Then order something that meets your high vegetarian standards — a cheeseburger. (Thought being: A cheeseburger is a cheeseburger is a cheeseburger!) Then you see the line ‘…sometimes we wish we were you…’ Touché!
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All you now need to do is turn the burger over. (Thought being: Maybe they have another sweet message for you over there!)imga0175.jpg

Of course font-sizes DO NOT make a difference here. The message that has to catch your eye — catches your eye! (Thought being: It’s not just beef. It’s 100% beef! ) Holy cows! (pun intended)
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And then something like this…imga0177.jpg

Becomes something like this…imga0178.jpg

Out you go!
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Now you understand why they say: “Have it your way!”imga0180.jpg

All this happened to a hungry young man recently!