Can you tell me the way to the MC Escher exhibition? Yes, go up the stairs, turn left, up the stairs, turn right. Oh hello, it's you again.

— Carl Maxim (@carlmaxim) January 7, 2014

"My bad!" is easily the best way to acknowledge a grammatical error.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) February 18, 2014

Before you say anything… Ah screw it, just don't say anything.

— Aditi Mathur Kumar (@adicrazy) February 21, 2014

If life gives you Adele make Adelaide.

— cluedont (@cluedont) February 23, 2014

Who wants to learn Roman numerals? I for one.

— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) February 23, 2014

Some people say that a slight bow is the best way to indicate assent, and I’m inclined to agree.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) February 28, 2014

Boss: John, tell me your greatest weakness Me: Honesty B: I don't think that's a weakness M: I don't give a shit what you think.

— @TitansHomer (@TitansHomer) June 29, 2013

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| #dominotweet

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) March 24, 2014

Hey, thanks for defining the word "many" for me. It means a lot.

— Brent (@murrman5) March 27, 2014

Alia Bhatt's nickname is Alia's alias.

— Puns N' Proses (@PunsNProses) May 24, 2014

Centre gives WB one train. Mamata sends it back. Centre sends it again to WB. Mamata again sends it back. And like that, the train will run.

— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) July 8, 2014

Brazil ke 7-1 haadsa hua kal raat.

— Anurag Verma (@kitAnurag) July 9, 2014

"Did you like the newest Transformers movie?" "No. The book was better." "Which book?" "Any book."

— Siddharth Singh (@siddharth3) July 15, 2014

Salman Khan and Neil Nitin Mukesh, right? #kauntest pic.twitter.com/xnxqkazBZF

— Kauntest (@playkauntest) July 18, 2014

Onesie. Selfie. Bestie. The infantilisation of culture is driving me nutsie.

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) August 14, 2014

*Calls Dominos* Attendant: HiWouldYouLikeToTryOurNewPizzaTacoChocoLavaKoiJoMilaToMujheAisaLagtaThaJaiseMeriSaariDuniyaMainGeetonKiRut

— Anurag Verma (@kitAnurag) August 13, 2014

The art of subtle patronisation is harder than you think.

— cluedont (@cluedont) August 23, 2014

The best way to stop grey squirrels from multiplying rapidly is to take away their calculators.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) September 2, 2014

Knock, knock. Who's there? World Health Organisation. WHO ? That's correct.

— im here all week (@wayne_robb) September 4, 2014

The more I hear about inverse proportion, the less I like it.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) September 11, 2014

How to serve iceberg lettuce pic.twitter.com/CQyYtqodcJ

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) September 14, 2014

Remember the old adage, keep your Glenn Close but your Miroslav Klose.

— Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) October 18, 2012

A chocolate that is overly attached to its mother is called Ferrero Roschesh.

— kustu (@kusterd_) May 1, 2014

*Dumps bottle from an Audi* "look at that illiterate bastard, let's teach him a lesson" *dumps bottles from Maruti 800* "he had no option.."

— Anurag Verma (@kitAnurag) September 18, 2014

Today's edition of Cannot Unsee brought to by @abhishekmadan pic.twitter.com/ThEw3Q4DuB

— Sahil Rizwan (@SahilRiz) September 18, 2014

@kitAnurag *darth vader appears* *pulls out 2 light sabers* *yaad piya ki aane lagi..haaye bheegi bheegi raato me*

— #hardandrough2002 (@dhaansu_handle) September 25, 2014

How to succeed on Twitter if you aren't funny: 1. Follow everyone. 2. Retweet everything. How to succeed on Twitter if you are: 1. Tweet.

— Token Geezer (@Token_Geezer) September 26, 2014

We get it poets: things are like other things

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) September 8, 2014

The Communist version of Grammar Nazi is Punctuation Marx.

— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) October 4, 2014

Some people accidentally upload photographs when Instagram is only to post hashtags.

— Anurag Verma (@kitAnurag) October 10, 2014

Saying @k_satyarthi's Nobel is a great honour for India is like saying @MalalaFund 's Nobel is a great honour for the Taliban.

— Vinay Aravind (@vinayaravind) October 10, 2014

Paying life-long for a moment a brief moment of passion ;-) pic.twitter.com/dgaHLkNlJX

— Funny One Liners (@ouchmytoe) October 14, 2014

I feel like guy on the left did a much better job of making his extra hand disappear. Guy on the right is all but um. pic.twitter.com/HrLUwlCVfy

— Entha (@enthahotness) November 12, 2014

Explaining how dial-up modems and BBS systems worked to someone born after 1990 feels like explaining rubbing sticks together to start fire.

— Linda in Disguise (@LindaInDisguise) November 15, 2014

pic.twitter.com/pXl0I3RY2Y

— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) November 2, 2014

“And what do you want to be when you grow up?” “A plumber” “Great! And why a plumber?” “I just love plums”

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) November 26, 2014

In about a year all news websites will just consist of one page with the headline "20 Things You Didn't Know About Yesterday"

— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) November 22, 2013

"Halt! Who goes there?" "Hi, it's Hugo, actually" "Sorry, my bad! Halt! Who go there?" "Hugo" "Hugh go there?" "It's Hugo" "I said!" "HUGO!"

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) December 4, 2014

Haha. There's a quiz on me. Feeling very celeb. And I scored er… 11 on 12 because they got my hostel wrong. http://t.co/crdHoXhxC3

— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) December 5, 2014

"Dear sir, your payment is outstanding…" "Why, thank you! That's very kind of you. Your invoice was rather lovely too!".

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) December 5, 2014

For @DDNewsLive anchor @Aayenah_Pahuja who was ridiculed for her mistakes & felt suicidal afterwards: https://t.co/189rsq0YrQ @DDNational

— Papa CJ (@PapaCJ) December 5, 2014

There something sad about this. Sad and melancholy. Melancholy, yeah! :-p pic.twitter.com/Ters6b6EZ8

— Kauntest (@playkauntest) December 7, 2014

Here's more proof: Daler Mehndi > Psy http://t.co/54VkLwuscc pic.twitter.com/YNRYG71rD4

— Kauntest (@playkauntest) December 7, 2014

In 2 Minutes, This Guy Explains The Plight Of Women In India, From Girl Child To Gauahar Khan http://t.co/mHAn5R3mWE pic.twitter.com/hBUaoDd6Dr

— BuzzFeed India (@BuzzFeedIndia) December 7, 2014

Ever realised how fucking surreal reading a book actually is? You stare at marked slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly

— Katie Oldham (@KatieOldham) December 9, 2014

"WowSoPunny: I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg." @rrazdan

— Niyam Bhushan (@niyambhushan) December 12, 2014

I think therefore…1 am.

— Yawn (@YawnThePost) December 15, 2014

Children studying history in school will get confused for life after reading this :) pic.twitter.com/O9TeHXx98c

— vikram sathaye (@vikramsathaye) December 22, 2014