Emirates has high rates; but rates low

Airlines, Travel

I along with my colleagues travelled to London earlier this year by Emirates airlines; which being one of the costliest airlines, there was an expectation that the ‘price-as-a-surrogate-for-quality’ dictum would hold true.

At the airports
Emirates has no direct flight to London from India. That is understandable. There is a stopover at Dubai. That is understandable. The flight from Chennai is delayed by about 3 hours. Given, hectic airline schedules, that is understandable. But why they must subject their passengers transiting from Chennai-Dubai flight to Dubai-London flight to mental agony is not understandable!

This agony stems from a few things.

First, the distance between the terminal where the flight from Chennai arrives, to the terminal where the flight to London takes-off is phenomenal. It is certainly cruel to expect people to lug their hand-luggage and walk over such a large distance. All right, they have provided horizontal conveyor belts intermittently to ease your trudge a little, but that’s about it. It still takes around 10+ minutes to cover the distance.

Second, the flight announcements are a cruel joke to further compound the agony of your walking the distance mentioned above. Imagine this: You have just cleared a stringent security check — that involved having to remove your shoes, belts, wallets etc. — and are collecting your hand luggage, tying your shoe-laces and fastening your belts, when you hear the announcement, “This is the last and final call for passengers travelling to London on Emirates flight no. <blah> to proceed for boarding from Gate no. <blah>.”

You know your incoming flight is late, so you panic a little and start running for the boarding gate. By the way, at this point you don’t know the extent of distance you have to run, so you keep running regardless — hand luggage in tow! And when you do reach your designated departure lounge, what do you discover? You are the first person to arrive there and others, including the staff, start arriving a little later. And after some time there is another announcement on the public address system, “This is the last and final call for passengers travelling to London on Emirates flight no. <blah> to proceed for boarding from Gate no. <blah>.”

And you feel so stupid at having been taken for a royal ride! Now run this in your mind again: You have just arrived, gone through the security-check, heard the “last and final boarding call” announcement, run non-stop with your hand luggage for 10+ minutes, with palpitation in your heart — as much from physical stress as from the mental stress caused by the irresponsible announcement! (On our way back, we discovered that this is their standard operating procedure for making announcements. This “…last and final call…” is actually the first announcement!)

When we finally reached London Heathrow Airport, we discovered that our luggage had not been loaded onto this flight at Dubai. So we had to wait another couple of hours before it arrived by another flight coming from the Gulf. The fact that it did arrive at all, was a small mercy.

On our way back we stopped over at Dubai for a day of shopping, even though the Dubai Shopping Festival had been cancelled due to the death of the ruling Sheikh. So one would normally expect the airline to be understanding of the size of people’s baggage heading out of Dubai and to keep realistic limits. But no! Emirates, which we were told has an arrangement with the Dubai tourism authorities, would not let us carry our extra luggage without paying a steep charge. And trust me, my shopping wasn’t over-the-top, with the largest item being a music system!

Inside the aircraft
Once inside you are surely overawed by its size. It has 10 (3+4+3) seats in a row. The video screen in front of you has a wonderful touch-screen interactive menu, that gives you information (news from BBC), video-on-demand (from wide-range of movies, television serials, sports programmes, music) and some communication facilities too (fax). But I was most impressed with two other channels — the camera in front of the aircraft (that gives you a breathtaking view of the runway while taking-off and landing) and the camera below the aircraft (that gives you a Google Earth kind of live view of the area below).

However, this joy was short-lived. Out of the to and fro total 20+ hours of journey between Chennai and London, this video facility was available only the 3 hours between Chennai and Dubai. For the longer Dubai-London/London-Dubai flights, one had to do with a primitive canned 6-7 channel fare. Having set expectations with the video-on-demand experience in the Chennai-Dubai leg, this was a big let-down!

The seats predictably are cramped for space. And to further compound my discomfort, I had some equipment box embedded under my seat, which cut down by half the space in which I could maneouvre my feet. As it is, ever since I read about Steve Waugh** having ‘Deep Vein Thrombosis’ — also popularly known as ‘Economy Class Syndrome’ — I was paranoid about constantly exercising my lower legs and feet to maintain blood circulation. And then this!

Another thing that struck me was the multi-cultural gaggle of air hostesses. Perhaps this is a common feature in long-haul international flights in this sector. However, I perceived some cultural bias — which could entirely have been a figment of my imagination.

But when I had to miss the audio in the last 10 minutes of Finding Nemo, because a stern-talking air-hostess took the head-phones back thirty minutes before landing, I did feel a little less cared for. After all, Finding Nemo is such a wonderful film; the least the air-hostess could have done was let me finish watching it!

On the other hand, my boss, who took the newly introduced Jet Airways non-stop flight to London, was treated like one of their own by the crew, not to mention the flying miles he gathered as well!

** And I still can’t believe Steve Waugh travelled economy class!

 

Update:
Turns out I am not the only one to have such bad experiences with Emirates. A lot of other travellers have had similar experiences. Read them here.

The hottest case-study topic

Education, IIM, Media & Entertainment, Politics

Clay figure of Laloo - by yours truly

On February 24, 2006, he said:

Mere zunu ka natija zaroor niklega,
isee siaah samandar se noor niklega.

Hum bhi dariya hai, apnaa hunar hame maloom hai,
jis taraph bhi chal padenge, rastaa ban jayega.

Ek kadam hum badhe, ek kadam tum,
aao milkar naap de, phasle chand tak.

Hum na haare par wo jeete, aisa hai prayas,
musafir ho rail ka raja, hum sabki ye aas.

Mun me bhav seva ka, hotho par muskan,
Behtar seva wazib daam, rail ki hogi yeh pehchan.

Kaamgaaro ki lagan se, hai tarakki sabki,
hausla inka badhao, ki yeh kuchh aur baddhe.

Aam admi hee hamara devta hai,
vah jeetega toh hum bhi jeet payenge,
tabhi toh yeh tay karke baithey hain,
faisle ab usi ke hak mein jaayenge.

Maine dekhe hain saare khwab naye,
likh raha hoon main inqilab naye.

Yeh inaayat nahin, mera vishwas hai,
daurey mehengai mein rail sasti rahe,
apnaa inaam humko to mill jayega,
rail par aapki sarparasti rahe.

And last month, students at one of the most hallowed institutes of management education in the world, Harvard, were introduced to the working of the newly annointed miracle man of India Inc. — Union Minister for Railways, Lalu Prasad Yadav (who in 2002 mysteriously changed the spelling of his name from Laloo)!

The verses above were from his Railway Budget speech in Parliament.

Last week, Professor G Raghuraman of the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad, was delighting the media all over, with the disclosure of his management-academician’s equivalent of a muse. That’s all you would need to make a wonderfully punchy (but surprisingly short-lived) story — Lalu Prasad Yadav, media’s favourite politician-entertainer, being endorsed by arguably the best management institute in India.

The flavour of the month is IIMs making case-studies on objects of popular interest. If it was Krrish @ IIM Indore then, it is Lalu @ IIM Ahmedabad now. The pace and direction seem to suggest that Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan and Amitabh bachchan are just waiting to be studied. And why not! Between them, they account for a few hundred crores of business.

On Lalu, the turn around in perception has been remarkable. For someone long identified with nepotism, corruption and mismanagement in his home state, Bihar — being seen as the messiah for one of the largest public sector organizations is nothing short of a miracle.

“I think he must have taken the present task as an opportunity to prove his abilities and improve his image,” mused the professor.

Either I have become too cynical, or this is the height of naivete…

Looks surreal, but is for real. Rang De Ba Sint (Maarten)

Airlines, Humour, Travel

Came across this video a little while back — aeroplanes landing at the Princess Juliana Airport, Sint Maarten, in the Caribbean.

Some more interesting info about this airport by the beach at the official website here and Wikipedia here.
But perhaps the best consolidated resource of landing/take-off videos from this airport can be seen at the 10 daily things blog here.

And you thought after Rang De Basanti that men flinging their shirts at the sight of a jet on its runway was machismo embodied…  One of the videos in the link above will perhaps give you the female equivalent of the same phenomenon — remember it’s a tourist beach. So what would you call it — Rang De Veeru? :-p

Mined over matter

Humour

She came back home from her date and told her sister,

“I have fallen in love with a miner, and I plan to marry him.”
“Why don’t you wait till he is a major?”
“Because he doesn’t plan to join the army!”
“Ok, tell me what happened at the date?”
“Well, he came straight from work wearing fine black soot. And I told him, ‘Playing mine sweeper, eh’. He must’ve been angry at being under mined thus.”

“So did he give you a coaled shoulder?”
“Yeah! When I got bold and asked him, ‘your place or mine?'”

The Kingfisher Airlines Myth

Airlines, Travel

I travelled from Delhi to Mumbai and back yesterday; like I have done on other occasions. The only thing different this time around was the airline — Kingfisher.

If Indian (airlines) was started because the government believed, it had to be involved in every sector of the industry; while Jet Airways was started because some people believed exactly the opposite — that private-sector (with greater responsibility towards quality) should be involved in every business too; and Sahara’s alleged business-model was to run a loss-making airline; and Deccan ushered in a changed paradigm with low-cost being the USP — obviously Kingfisher as an airline was borne out of an individual’s wannabe aspirations, backed by PR generated paid-for hype and abetted by the laziness of feature writers of today!

The wannabe individual is Vijay Mallya. You may ask, with his famed riches and wealth, who would he aspire to be? The answer of course is…