Month: November 2006

Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan: The ultimate superfluous study

Humour, Media & Entertainment, Zeitgeist

It had been on my mind for quite some time. And now when I decided to write about it, I heard another part of my mind tell me, “This would be your most earth-shattering post till now.” Knowing my own mind I was skeptical yet flattered. And then I realized this was the profound part of my mind collaborating with the pun part — ‘Arth-shattering‘ post is what was implied. (Arth in Hindi/Sanskrit = ‘meaning’)

Read on at your own peril :)

Every major newspaper has city supplements — Delhi Times, HT City et al. It is in these supplements that one can see the much reviled yet keenly followed ‘page 3’ people. Two such people who you would have regularly seen are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Paris Hilton, one may have read about on various occasions — famous and infamous; but Lindsay Lohan? I’d never known who she was, or what she’d done in life. Yet day upon day, week upon week, month upon month — one sees some article/picture or the other on Ms. Lohan! In my media management workshops I would cite this as an example of a hyper-active PR company at work.

While sociologists would have their theories worked out on this phenomenon, with a little disposable time at hand, I decided to do my own study — which befitting its subjects, is hopelessly superfluous!

First test — assuming that there would be .com websites dedicated to both these femmes; I did a simple Alexaholic.com comparison.

ParisHilton.com vs. LindsayLohan.com — Alexaholics

Clearly lindsaylohan.com started a few years earlier — but parishilton.com, its late start notwithstanding, has surged ahead in terms of traffic!

Next test — Google Trends. Where in terms of pure ‘search volume’ Paris Hilton is much ahead of Lindsay Lohan. However, as far as news reference volume goes, Lindsay Lohan puts up a good fight. This again reiterates the point I was making earlier — her PR agency is hyper-active, and therefore the higher news references!

Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan — Google Trends

Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan — Google Trends

Next test — why not do a simple comparison of these two women across some of the most popular sites currently — Google, Technorati, Yahoo, MSN Live, YouTube, Flickr, 43things, Amazon, and eBay!

Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan

Clearly, Paris Hilton emerges a winner in references in all of these except Amazon – DVD search — where Lindsay Lohan beats her! But the whopper is 43things.com, a zeitgeist site where people list 43 things they want to do in their lifetimes. Clearly Paris Hilton figures a far greater number of times in what people want to do in their lives. But what exactly do they want to do? Below are the top 75 mentions:

meet paris hilton
beat up paris hilton
be Paris Hilton’s friend
be Paris Hilton
paris hilton
sleep with paris hilton
stop hearing about paris hilton
be 10x richer than paris hilton
Be like paris hilton!
to be Paris Hilton
Party with Paris Hilton
punish paris hilton
Date Paris Hilton
paris hilton kiss
FEEL PARIS HILTON
be as thin as paris hilton
knob paris hilton
Marry Paris Hilton
slap paris hilton
Fight Paris Hilton
see paris hilton
on in paris hilton
free paris hilton’s dog
smack Paris Hilton
hit paris hilton
look like Paris Hilton
meet paris hilton and say “thats hot”
seriously physically impair Paris Hilton
steal paris hilton’s money
french kiss paris hilton
watch paris hilton tape
party like paris hilton
Be paris hiltons worst enemie
get paris hiltons number
get rid of paris hilton
throw up on paris hilton
meet paris hilton (chad)
have BJ done by Paris Hilton
bethin like paris hilton
I want to DISS PARIS HILTON
become friends with paris hilton
make out with paris hilton
Throw paris hilton screaming from a helicopter
Get high with Paris Hilton
Meet Paris hilton or Britney Spears
become more like paris hilton
be best friends with Paris Hilton
i wanna see paris hilton!!!!
have relations with paris hilton
see Paris Hilton go away
hit Paris Hilton in the face with a cream pie
never read another article about Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan
spend a day with Paris Hilton and go shopping
live long enough to watch paris hilton grow old and ugly
french kiss paris hilton & bite her tongue
Tell paris hilton she is ugly
Tell Paris Hilton what a loser she is
Meet Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton
show Paris Hilton how to actually dance
meet Paris Hilton and smack her. lol
treat myself with paris hilton
chop paris hilton head and spit in hole
meet and chat with Paris Hilton in a restaurant
ask paris hilton if she wants my autograph
push paris hilton down a flight of stairs
party in the hamptons with Paris Hilton
follow paris hiltons advice -_-and b ”hot”
become famous by the time i am 18 and be as beautiful as Paris Hilton
buy perfume: be delicious,hypnose,fresh linen,paris hilton
start The Global War on Paris Hilton
shave paris hilton and proove to u that she’s an ex-surfing dude
meet Paris Hilton so I can slap her for being a dumbass
really listen to paris hilton’s cd
make paris hilton(and people like her) be aware of the real world
have a reality show with Paris Hilton where I help her develop intellectually

Interesting huh?

Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you this was ‘arth-shattering’!

Famous Lost Words

Humour, Language, Zeitgeist

As a kid I swear I was really happy and gay! Now I have to say I am only happy :-( And why is that? Because through my growing up years the Americans systematically stole words from my lexicon and gave them meanings which ensured I can’t really pass them forward to the generations ahead.

Once upon a time you could tell a kid when the neighbourhood cat would come avisiting, “Look, the pussy cat is here.” Now I almost squirm uncomfortably when my 3-year old nephew points out a pussy cat to me! Or when going through his pictorial book, I can feel my tone change, as I have to point out the fowl called cock that I immediately try and deflect as Mr.Hen! And of course none of the stories I tell him can have a member of the feline species eat a rooster!

Similarly, I am afraid, in the coming years avid sportsmen would not be able to say ‘I like playing with balls’ — even if they were stating the obvious.

A lot of us had practically stopped using the idiom ‘A bird in hand is worth two in the bush’ for obvious reasons. Interestingly, this is one rare example where Americans brought back a word into ‘permissible conversation’ thanks to their political supremo — George W.Bush. Further President Bush brings the added advantage of rescuing another one of the ‘lost words’ — the ass! As far as contextual usage is concerned, mercifully this is one word that retains its in-sentence context — though its intended meaning has been corrupted too. I am sure some of you have read that ‘priest peddles his ass‘ joke.

The American influence of course permeates their entire continent. I don’t know if you have heard the Canadian slogan — if you’re a Canadian, show me your beaver!

Then there are other things in our lives where conventional words have been given new meanings making their usage even in the original context risqué.

For example, a screw helps you bond… a wooden plank with another. However, I remember a real-life incident during our architecture carpentry workshops, where this girl shouted across the room — “I want a screw.” I am sure you can guess the reaction from everyone around!

A long time ago, I also recall having seen an embroidery designer say that customers pay more for a hand job than a machine-job! Talking of designers and clothes, Tantra (the t-shirt makers) banked on another such lost word and sold quite a few t-shirts that said — ‘Rajasthan, the best place in India to look for a hump.’

However, when people profess “We can make out”, they may merely be referring to their superior ability to tell one shade of green from another! Similarly, a rueful “My husband always comes before me” could simply be a reference to the husband’s punctuality on their way back from their respective jobs!

Closer home, coming from a Kashmiri Pandit family, it was common for us to cook at home what we in Hindi call ‘keema’ (minced meat), bought from the local butcher. And towards creating the finest quality keema it was common for us at home to further beat our meat! Thank God for two things: One, in those days we never had to converse at home in English. Two, today when we do converse a lot more in English — we are vegetarians!

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Reference reading for those with an academic interest in this:
Homographs
Double entendre
Pun

Teach an old CAT new tricks: CAT 2006

Education, IIM

If you have come here searching for ways to enhance your performance in the forthcoming CAT 2006 exam — the post ends for you right here! It’s time to get back to more and more practice/mock tests. There’s no better preparation than match-practice!

There are some experiences from CAT 1996 and CAT 1997 that I remember.

CAT 1996:

I prepared from an IMS package for about three months, including two months of intensive efforts. Saw a clear pattern in my performance picking up as I went along, and then the d-day came. The examination centre, mercifully, was a school close by. All aspirants were seated in classrooms based on their serial/admission numbers. There are a few absentees. The OMR answer sheets are distributed first; and then the question papers — which are in 4 sets labelled A, B, C and D. These are supposed to be distributed in a pre-designated manner, with different people getting different sets. If there is any absentee, the invigilator is supposed to leave his/her designated question papers on his/her empty desk and distribute the remaining papers sequentially. However, our invigilator passed on this question paper to the person seated next and broke the sequence. Ouch!

Soon someone realizes that he/she has been handed over a question paper set other than that meant for him/her. The invigilator panics. All of us panic. And then begins a frantic exercise of passing around the question papers till everyone gets the question papers meant for them! By then 15 minutes are over.

In the remaining time, we vacillate between trying to answer as many of the 150 odd questions as possible and asking the invigilator to compensate us for the lost time. Considering that it was her gaffe, she agrees. However…

…as soon as the 120 minutes are over — the IIM representatives at the venue walk-in and we are refused any extra time. We plead, we sulk, we petition (impromptu, hand-written), and then we leave — resigned to our respective fates. Ruing the 15 minutes lost — which equals 20+ questions. This in one of the most competitive of exams in India!

Predictably, no call from any of the IIMs.

CAT 1997:

Prepared for only two weeks, from my previous year’s IMS package. The preparation consisted of getting into the mock-test routine at the earliest. Having been through the rigmarole a year earlier, certainly made it a little easier while preparing. The actual exam though, is a blur in my memory!

Unpredictably, got a call from IIM Indore!

Morals of the story:

1. IMS package is a good help
2. There is no better practice than match-practice
3. CAT is just a freakin’ two-hour performance, you need to peak for it
4. The best-laid plans of mice and men
Gang aft agley (=often go wrong).
And leave us naught but grief and pain
For promised joy — Robert Burns

The ‘Most Powerful Doctor’ in India-II

Uncategorized

This in continuation of my query here.

The most powerful doctor in India is… Dr. Vashisht!

Everyday, (especially weekdays) he impacts the lives of easily a couple of lakh people in Delhi. And such is his impact, that the authorities have had to bend rules to accommodate the extent of his impact. While the immediate impact can be for periods ranging from 10 minutes to an hour or more, its effects last for quite a while.

However, till about a few years ago, his impact was much more pronounced and would touch the lives of a far greater number of people and for much longer periods of time. In fact, it was rivalled only by the impact of the Deity in the temple across the road.

So who is Dr. Vashisht?

Do your Google searches to find out. While I too shall be coming out with my reasons, next week.

Ok, I took much more than a week to come back on this one. And that had nothing to do with the subject of this post.

So here goes (you can click on thumbnail images of these Google Earth screen-grabs for more detailed pictures)…

This is about the glorious land called India…
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…and its northern plains…
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…and its historic capital city Delhi.
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The same Capital, that houses the Parliament House, Lodhi Gardens, Gandhi Samadhi, FerozShah Kotla, Humayun’s Tomb and of course the prestigious Indian Institute of Technology – Delhi (IIT-Delhi).
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And of course there is Dr. Vashishth’s Clinic!
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…by the side of a road in a densely packed area (contrast this with the open greens in the above image). There was also a temple right across the road. Many people believe doctors are like Gods. Then this was a double-whammy — God and Dr.Vashishth in the same area.
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And together they began having a pronounced influence on the lives of people.
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Untill… the evil establishment of the day ravaged the area. Most buildings along both sides of the road were demolished. Only two structures stood the onslaught of bulldozers — the temple and Dr. Vashishth’s clinic! The latter backed by a court stay order.

Then one day, even the temple was demolished, with due reverence of course!

All other building uptill the yellow lines (in the image below) are gone. However, Dr. Vashishth’s clinic still stands victoriously along the road.
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Bringing to nought all the efforts being made by the evil estabishment to ease the traffic congestion in the area.
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Recently the traffic police broke the central divider on the road to let traffic manoeuvre its way across Dr.Vashishth’s projecting clinic on the road.photo_100306_001.jpg

Observe closely, there are vehicles going in the same direction on opposite sides of the road. Only Dr.Vashishth can bring things to such a pass!photo_101906_002.jpg

And here are drive-by images of the proud edifice — Dr. Vashishth’s Clinic, on Ring Road, Naraina!photo_101906_003.jpg
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* Notice how the space widens up immediately after Dr. Vashishth’s clinic.

So this was the tale of the mighty Dr.Vashishth!

And what does the evil Google throw up on this mighty man?

Seema in her FIR stated that her father O P Vashisht, mother Kamlesh and brother Naveen, had brutally beaten her, and they tried to hang her by duppatta on March 25, 2002. Seema’s father Vashisht and brother Naveen, are running a nursing home at Naraina village.