Eunuch Selling Proposition

Humour

What is it that they have, which we don’t, that makes them behave in a manner, in which we can’t?

Or is it because they don’t have some thing which we have, that makes them behave in the manner they do.

Did you say I am hitting below the belt? Don’t worry, in their case it hurts only metaphorically!

Almost all eunuchs are castrated males.

We had been made to believe that a person’s behaviour is governed by his brain, mostly located at the top of his head inside the skull. While we also knew that human bodies are samples of complex circuitry, we never knew the circuitry was so complex and cross-linked — that a person’s behaviour could be so affected by ball-tampering. And we are not talking cricket and Darryl here! (Did you notice, this was an instance of here/Hair inter-operability)

Coming back to the subjects, who are also subjects of further implants and other forms of surgical pyrotechnics…

We see them everywhere — forcibly getting into our homes to pique our happier moments; haranguing us at traffic signals; man-handling us in trains. Reminds me of the time when eunuchs would board the Indore-Delhi trains at Ujjain and pinch the facial cheeks (pardon my having to specify facial!) of my IIM Indore batch mates, calling them ‘Aye chiknay!’ or ‘Aye Shahrukh!’ Luckily, because of my beard, I had to settle for ‘Aye Prem Chopra!’ instead. Trust me this was THE situation in life where being called a Prem Chopra was much better than being a called a Shah Rukh and getting googly-woogly-wooshed by eunuchs!

Mark my words — it is just a matter of time before they start walking up and down the aisles of aircrafts asking people to pay up! After all what’s the big deal in investing a couple of thousand rupees in an airline ticket to get captive victims for a few hours, from whom they can make much more! (150 passengers x Rs 100 per person = Rs. 15,000!) And for those who complain of boredom in flights, these people will also sing and dance!

A few months ago, when this cousin of mine shifted to his new flat in Ghaziabad, many of us (kith and kin) turned up for the griha pravesh at the new flat. Things (lunch and socializing) were going on fine, till they arrived; in a Maruti van. (Their intelligence gathering is so precise — sometimes I wonder why aren’t they employed as postmen/policemen, err… post-whatever/police-whatever!) Since the doors were open they had no problems praveshing the griha! And in case you didn’t know — once inside, they are impossible to dislodge, unless you are oh-so-willing to readily part with some thousands of rupees of your hard-earned money!

Different people in the gathering tried different ways to reason out with them.

Sample some of the appeals by us and their responses:

Us: Itna paisa kahaan se laayenge hum?
Them: Wahin se jahaan se kothi ke liye paisa laaye

Us: Kothi toh loan leke banaai hai
Them: Toh loan waapas karne ke liye paise bhi toh honge

——————————

Us: Inko (my cousin) Kashmir mein apna ghar chhod ke aana pada hai
Them: Toh insurance ke paise miley honge phir
Them: Achha aatankvadiyon be bhaga diya tumkko?
Us (seeing a glimmer of sensitivity): Haan
(one of) Them (telling the others): Hahaha. Oye suna, inko aatankvadiyon ne bhaga diya
(All of) Them: Hahaha

—————————–

Us: Inke pitaji ka pichhle saal dehaant hua thha
Them: Toh kya ab tak maatam manaaoge

—————————–

Us: Bade-boodhon ka toh lihaaz karo
Them: Wahi toh kar rahe hain (followed by a dropping of the pyjama)

Us: Kuchh akal nahin hai tumhe? Yahaan chhote bachchay baithe hain
Them: Yeh bachche <–untypable filth–>

—————————–

Us: Dekho tum yeh galat kar rahe ho
Them: Toh tu kya kar lega? (and one of them who must have been more than six-and-half-feet tall and with the build of a wrestler, made a grab for the nether regions of the person trying to reason out with them)

—————————–

Us (discussing amongst ourselves): Police
Them: Jaa bula la police ko. Hum yahin baithe hain

Why are we so tolerant of them? Because we have been told their curses (which are nothing but filthy abuses) would strike us! Not surprising, considering we are the same set of people who so readily believe that Ganesha idols occasionally start drinking milk and sea water with sewage concentration starts tasting sweet! And therefore even after all the harassment they subject us to, we implore them to ‘dua karo‘ for us.

And that is their Eunuch Selling Proposition!

'Business Card' of the eunuchs above 'Business Card' of the eunuchs above

This is the front and back of the ‘business card’ of the eunuchs mentioned above.

So, when are you calling them?

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4 thoughts on “Eunuch Selling Proposition

  1. And in case you are not willing to pay, they are ready to do a strip show for you so that you get embarrassed enough.

    We had some eunuchs in our house last diwali and later we found that they were actually labourers trying to cash in the festive season :) They lived in the same “mohalla” as our maid.

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  2. Hi Amit:
    In the hour and a half that these eunuchs were there — quite a few times they dropped their ‘clothing items’. Later I heard stories about how eunuchs even urinate inside your house! And how they tip the caterers/tent-house workers for tip-offs on where such functions are happening, so that they can land up there!

    Like

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